I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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