is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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