went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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