Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize