If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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