Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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