Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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