I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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