come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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