So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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