I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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