I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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