Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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