ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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