I hate all girls vehemently.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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