I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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