Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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