god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize