im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize