the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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