If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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