You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize