ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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