dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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