If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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