Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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