i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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