he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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