All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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