Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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