I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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