I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am puke
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize