nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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