The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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