i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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