The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize