you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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