Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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