This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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