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okay pat passed out under dana's car
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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