My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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