The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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