i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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