Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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