When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
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Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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