I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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