i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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