I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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