i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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