It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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